God & Man
1. Sometimes you actually forget to sleep, eat, shower, or go to the bathroom
Seriously, it’s not that you’re trying to neglect yourself — you actually just forget. You skip meals, stay up late enough that you realize there’s no point in going to sleep, and continue to be completely oblivious to all signs that show your body NEEDS YOU.
2. You definitely drink no more than one cup of water a day
If that. Coffee? You down that shit like it’s candy. Vodka? You may as well be hooked to an IV full of it. But water? You can’t fully remember the last time you drank an actual glass of it, except for that one time you went to a restaurant and were too cheap to pay for a soda.
3. You forget to write things down on your calendar
There’s really no point to you owning a fancy schedule or keeping up a calendar. You actually forget to write everything down until after it’s already happened, and only then you do it so it doesn’t look so blank.
4. You don’t actually ever know what day it is
Even if you have a pretty normal routine, like a 9-to-5 job, you don’t ever know what day it is. Is it Monday? Friday? The 15th? The 23rd? Hell, is it January? Your coworker Liz might actually lose it if she ever hears you ask, “Wait, what day is it today?” again.
5. You haven’t established a normal skincare routine
Everyone talks about face washes, toners, face masks, etc. You, at least, know what a bar of soap is (hopefully). You leave the rest up to fate.
6. You flake out of everything
You still make plans you don’t intend to follow through with, mostly because you don’t really know how to say no. After all, it’s much, much easier to do over text while you’re lying in bed binging Netflix!
7. Meal prepping is a foreign concept to you
Unless, of course, you count pouring cereal into a bowl as “prepping.”
8. You still can’t make your own doctor appointments
Every time you have to go to the doctor, you find yourself texting your parents, “Can you make the appointment for me???” The idea of actually picking up the phone and talking to a real, live human being is terrifying to you.
9. Your life motto is “mo’ money, mo’ problems”
Budgeting has never really made sense to you. You’ve heard the term “financial plan” before but don’t really know what that’s all about. You buy what you want when you want it and don’t really put much thought into it. By the way, what’s a savings account?
10. You only have one “nice” outfit
You hope to god you never get a job where you have to dress in formal business attire because you have exactly one nice outfit and you’ve got a feeling they’re going to start noticing after the first week or so. You don’t even know how to go about getting more.
11. You put off chores because you’d rather watch TV
Your sink is stacked with dirty dishes you haven’t bothered rinsing off. You haven’t done laundry in weeks. You have at least three maintenance requests you’ve forgotten to call in and your entire apartment is falling into ruins around you, but damn it, you need to finish this season of Stranger Things.
12. You’ve already thought up a bunch of different ways you suck at being an adult
Just reading this has reminded you of all the other shitty things you do that you’re positive other people your age don’t have a problem with. If there were a class on adulting, you would fail miserably. But hey, at least you can still blame it on being young!