A List Of Things I Wish I Could Stop

Joshua Rawson-Harris

My mind,
from overthinking
and ruining joyful moments.
From jumping to conclusions
and assuming the worst.
From always convincing me
that I’m not good enough.

My heart,
From being too impulsive
and finding it hard to trust again.
From being too guarded
and walking away too soon.
From wanting to find love
yet so afraid of falling.

My body,
From crashing
and lifting
all these burdens,
all this heaviness,
all this pain.

From being so worn out.
From wanting to disconnect
all the time.
From wanting to run away
and wanting to disappear.
From being so lost —
never knowing where I belong.

I wish I could stop.
I wish I could go back
to a time when I wasn’t
so exhausted.
I wish I could go back
to a time when saying ‘I’m fine’
didn’t hurt so much. TC mark

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