Chivalry is a list of unwritten rules for courting, a general formula for how to dress, and the idea that every woman wants to be treated exactly the same way. The problem with that idea is that while some ladies swoon at the idea of more traditional acts of valor, many others wish these acts of courtship were extinct.
Now, this doesn’t mean that all forms of courtly behavior should be chucked to the side! Frankly, the quickest fix is knowing which common-but-misunderstood acts of chivalry need to be fine-tuned. Here are seven chivalrous acts that many women are not fond of — and how they can easily be updated.
1. ‘Defending’ her honor
Say someone steps on your date’s foot in the middle of a crowded bar and then makes a scene about not wanting to apologize. Modern-day gallantry suggests stepping up in her defense. But this custom takes a bad turn when standing up for her turns into a full-blown fight, whether it’s with verbal insults or physical violence. The practice of defending her honor suggests she can’t stand up for herself. (And, if the situation turns into a physical fight, it can leave you looking like a hot-tempered goon.)
Courtship quick fix: As The Huffington Post explains, modern chivalry “doesn’t have to be about protecting, but supporting.” In this case, she needs support against someone being rude to her — not for you to fight a war. Refrain from throwing punches or spewing verbal jabs, and instead interject some words that will, hopefully, diffuse the situation. And if the opposing party is looking to start a fight with you, consider getting out of there. It’s better than being a jerk.