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Chasing You Was Stupid

A woman chasing a manUnsplash / Valerie Elash

It was stupid of me to think the tiny little interactions between us meant you had feelings for me too. Looking back, I realize they were meaningless. When you texted me first, it didn’t mean you had been thinking about me all morning, noon, and night. It was just you being friendly. And when you complimented my hair or my outfit, it didn’t mean you thought I was the most beautiful girl in the room. It was just a passing remark.

The special moments I spent days replaying over and over again inside of my head were the same moments you forgot about seconds after they occurred.

It was stupid of me to assume you placed the same importance upon our conversations, especially since I was always the one taking the lead. I was the one sending paragraphs of text when you replied with one-word answers. I was the one dropping hints about hanging out when you were making excuses about how busy you have been.

It was stupid of me to put you on such a high pedestal. I thought you were perfect, even though there were a million times when you showed me your dark side. I looked past every single red flag that appeared, because I didn’t want to admit that maybe you weren’t the one for me, maybe you were just another pointless crush.

It was stupid of me to give you so many chances you never even asked for. Whenever you let me down, I would think about moving on from you, and then decide to give you one last opportunity. You never even knew how close I came to walking away from you. You never knew how much your actions impacted me. You never knew how many times you made me cry into my pillowcase. I kept my emotions to myself.

It was stupid of me to spend so much time trying to capture your attention. Instead of focusing on the people who actually gave a shit about me, I obsessed over making you like me. I wore outfits I thought you would like. I listened to music I knew you liked. I revolved my world around you — and you didn’t even realize it.

It was stupid of me to waste my time on you. To wait for you to text back. To wait for you to walk over to me. To wait for you to notice me. I stopped caring about everything other than you because I thought you would be able to bring me happiness I struggled to reach on me own. I thought a relationship with you was the answer I had been searching this world for — but I was wrong.

It was stupid of me to chase after you for such a long time when it was obvious you were never going to feel the same way. It was stupid of me to like you. It was stupid of me to waste my affection on someone who never even appreciated it. TC mark