When it comes to relationships, I think we tend to overlook some things, especially when they are in the newer phases. We don’t pay attention to all the little quirks that later may become annoying. We look past certain behaviors that later may manifest into larger problems. We blow right past red flags that we could’ve prevented from the very beginning if we had looked at them realistically. On top of these things, we also tend to push love as the biggest and most important factor of relationships. We say that love will get you through anything. And while love is indeed important, and does tend to be a base where other characteristics manifest, we tend to look at it as the only crucial point to hang the entire relationship upon.
It is one thing for someone to love you—to find you desirable on your best and worst days, to know your likes and dislikes, to promise to be there for you when you need them to be. However, one thing that I think people don’t always give enough credit to is the ones who believe in you. This isn’t saying that the two aren’t linked somehow. It would make sense that if someone loved you, they would believe in you. However, it doesn’t always show up as clearly as we would like. Someone can claim to love you, but not encourage you or support you.
The truth is, you should date someone who not only loves you, but believes in you, and your capability to do the things you strive for in this world.
You should date someone who, when you tell them the goal you aspire to, doesn’t shrug passively or simply nod in interest, but who grabs your hand and says “I have no doubt you can do this.” Who is understanding when you work your butt of trying to achieve those goals, even if it means you may sacrifice spending time with them every once in awhile. Someone who doesn’t let you run yourself into the ground from taking on too much, but someone who encourages you every step of the way.
You should date someone who doesn’t just hear you discuss your passions and then allow them to fall away to the back of their mind, but who actively discusses new aspects of those passions with you. Someone who may not know everything about your interests, but still does their best to take an interest because it interests you.
You should date someone who, on the days where you feel things aren’t going as planned and you think about giving up, they gently remind you that this is the thing you’ve been working towards for so long, and that everyone has days like this. Someone who opens their arms to you when it feels like you will never reach the place you want to be, because they know that comfort and hope are the best things they can provide in that moment.
You should date someone who celebrates your successes with you, no matter how big or small they may be. They don’t dismiss the achievements you make even if they are on a smaller scale, because they know that even the tiniest of successes are potential building blocks for bigger things in the future. They don’t respond in jealousy if you are achieving something that doesn’t actively involve them, but instead they stand by your side as your biggest fan and number one supporter.
You should date someone who believes in you, because they are able to look at you and see the things that maybe others would overlook and they are the ones who want to remind you of your potential. They understand that the simplest of compliments go a long way, and while they would never try to coddle you or set you up for failure, they understand that you might face a lot of rejection in this world, and they want to be a source of encouragement for you.
When you date someone who believes in you, you are with someone who doesn’t just look at you as a partner explicitly linked to themselves, but as a whole person capable of standing and achieving things on their own. They look at you as someone who is capable of so much more than most of the world can see, and they are grateful that they can stand by your side as you take on the things you desire to do in the world. They see your passions radiating through you and don’t find it intimidating, but incredibly attractive.
When it comes down to it, love is important in order for a relationship to function, but you should also date someone who believes in you too.
It’s important for you to know you can grow in your relationship without feeling held back by someone who just doesn’t see how capable you are in the things you strive to do.
Date someone who believes in you, simply because you shouldn’t be the only person who does.