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I Almost Called You Today

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telephone, almost called you, missing an exRowan Neal

Every time I think of you, I almost tell you that I do. I almost pick up the phone and dial your number. I almost tell you that I miss you, that I love you, that I can still recite every inch of your damn body like poetry.

I almost let you know that you haven’t left my mind. That for every minute of every day your name has been running marathons in my brain. Your touch is still causing somersaults in my stomach. Your taste still lingers on my tongue.

Because everyday we’re not together is another day my body forces itself to remember you. Everyday we’re not together is like living in a world where you can see the sun hiding behind the clouds, yet you’re smart enough to realize it doesn’t have the strength to push through their barrier.

I could write a novel about your smile. I could sing the sweetest songs about your eyes. And if you gave me the chance to, I could recite every word you’ve ever spoken to me.

Every time I think of you I wonder what’s going through your mind. I wonder if you’d still look at me with the same set of eyes. If you’d even still see the beauty in my own eyes.

Every time I think of you I type out my regrets. My desires. My sorrows. My apologies. But every time I think of you I fear that you no longer think of me. Every time I think of you I think you would have picked up the phone to call me, just as I’ve done for you so many times. I think you’d have more strength than I do. Less barriers. Less fear. You’d dial the numbers and you’d hit call. You wouldn’t second guess yourself and quickly erase the number due to an overwhelming sense of fear.

I almost called you today. I almost thought that I needed to hear your voice in order to remain sane; then I realized I probably haven’t been sane for a while.

Every time I think of you I can feel your lips on my skin. I can feel your arms around mine, hands on the small of my back. Every time I think of you I can hear your gentle whispers in my ear. I can hear the words escaping your mouth. I can feel your breath’s moisture on my skin.

I love you. I love everything about you. I love the feeling of your skin. I love your touch. I love your sensation. You are perfect. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Every time I think of you, I almost tell you that I do. I almost pick up the phone and dial your number. I almost tell you that I miss you, that I love you, that you still haven’t left my goddamn mind.

And you haven’t left my mind. And you will never leave my mind. And I love you.

I love you.

I still love you.

And I will always love you. TC mark

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