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Relationships: The Things You Can Never Change About a Person

There is no shortage of relationship advice available. One of the most common pieces of advice is to accept your partner for who he or she is. While you might be able to make minor tweaks — like getting your significant other to dress formally instead of wearing sports attire when you go out to eat — trying to make major changes to your partner is not part of a healthy relationship. Here are a few things you’ll never be able to change about your significant other — no matter how hard you try.

1. Personality

young couple in the morning

young couple in the morning Your personality is set early on in life. | iStock.com/Ivanko_Brnjakovic

It is nearly impossible to get someone to behave exactly the way you’d like. People are who they are, and although some personality traits are due to social conditioning, there is no way to turn your partner into a “perfect” version of how you think he or she should act. In fact, the propensity for change diminishes greatly once you turn 30, and we’ve known this for over 100 years.

Groundbreaking Harvard University psychologist William James’ text, The Principles of Psychology, published in 1890, found that your personality stabilizes in adulthood. Part of the text says, per New York Magazine’s Science of Us: “In most of us, by the age of thirty, the character has set like plaster, and will never soften again.” Additional research has shown that core personality traits have a strong genetic component attached to them and remain constant throughout our lives.

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