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1. Judgment is a projection from a wound.
Write down every judgment you have about other people, and trace it to the root – the first time you had that thought. What you’ll realize is that it stems from a wound, and usually, that wound is rejection. You processed not being accepted by trying to be “better” than. What you wanted wasn’t to be superior, but to be loved, and judging other people is a subconscious way of actually proving that you’re worthy of them.
2. Our inner-critic is fueled by outer judgments.
Self-love often works from the outside in. Rather than deciding we love ourselves one day, if we can become less and less critical of other people’s behaviors and choices, we learn how to be more accepting of our own. The more we recognize that, deep down, every person is an innocent child deserving of love, the more we can see ourselves that way, too.
3. Judgment is the root of all anxiety.
It is not what’s happening that’s stressing you out, it’s your programmed ideas and assumptions about what’s happening that’s upsetting you. The way you judge things ultimately determines the quality of your life – it is the difference between seeing challenges or opportunities.
4. Becoming aware of your judgments forces you to check whether or not they are really yours.
Sit and ask yourself: how do I really feel about this? What you’re going to find is that very often, you adopted other people’s judgements as you grew up. The narrative you’ve been repeating was really your mother’s, or your classmate’s, or the magazine’s. You’ll find that your feelings are more neutral than you assumed, the distress was really in thoughts that weren’t even yours.
5. You can make assessments without making judgments.
The reason a lot of people hold onto their judgements is that they think relinquishing them will make them less effective at making smart choices in their lives. The opposite is true: when you stop judging, you can start assessing. When you judge, you are using emotions. When you assess, you are using logic. It makes you clearer and more effective.
6. You’ll learn to wish everyone who challenges you joy and wellness.
Close your eyes and imagine every person you typically have recurring judgmental thoughts about. Say out loud that you wish them joy and wellness, and do that every time you want to hold negative thoughts about them. Doing so will heal you.
7. Judging another person is like refusing to forgive – the only person who gets hurt is you.
It’s not that some people don’t deserve judgment for their actions, but that doing so repeatedly amplifies the negative, unloving energy in our lives. We don’t forgive because the person deserves it, we forgive because we don’t deserve to continue to be punished for their mistakes. The same is true of judgment. The more we cut off other people from love, the more we think we have to prove our lovability to the world.
8. You only judge life when you’re not really living it.
Judging is a mental thing. It’s what happens when we disconnect our feelings from something uncomfortable. When we’re fully immersed in the present moment, the desire to pass judgment doesn’t even arise – we have nothing to prove, no happiness to earn, nothing to feel better about.