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I stumbled into a John Mayer interview on YouTube. They wanted to know the saddest line he’s ever written and he decided it was one from ‘Still Feel Like Your Man.’
The line is that he still keeps her shampoo in his shower in case she wants to wash her hair.
He wrote it and he had a moment of “bro, she’s not coming to wash her hair.” He felt silly when he realized what he was doing, but the impulse was there whether he named it or not.
He missed her. He hoped she would come back.
He explained to the interviewer that he knows this about himself, that he has a hard time letting people go and I sat there dumbstruck because somehow it has never occurred to me that you could just say “I have a hard time letting people go.”
And I do.
It’s hard for me to let people leave my life.
I love them too much when they’re here and I miss them too much when they go.
And I thought that was something I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone ever, because it’s desperate and creepy and something to be ashamed about. I spent so much time denying it to myself and to everyone else that I almost forgot it existed. I forgot that I could choose not to be ashamed about it. I forgot that it was an option that I could accept it and just say “this is who I am.”
I wonder what else I am missing out on because I am waiting for a celebrity I admire to make me feel like this is a normal human thing and not a broken Chrissy thing.