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He wasn’t your soulmate and you knew he wasn’t your soulmate. Indecision is what happens when you can’t accept what you already know to be true.
He wasn’t your soulmate, he was an anchor that kept you steady, and then left you stuck. He was the sun in your universe when you weren’t sure what else to revolve around. You poured your energy into the idea of him. Your relationship was good because you made it good. It was a blank canvas you painted your love upon until it was beautiful. He was an easy feat. He was a sure thing.
He seemed perfect on the surface and then less perfect as time went on. Real soulmates are the opposite – the depth of your connection is revealed the more you are together. He was the perfect match for the person you were, not the person you needed to become. He was an old love map you thought you finally conquered.
You didn’t find yourself with him, you were becoming what he wanted you to be and you believed it made you good. You weren’t happy if you weren’t together – and you didn’t know what your life would be if you couldn’t have him. That’s not love, that’s an addiction. That’s a safe place. That’s a comfort zone that became a crutch.
He wasn’t your soulmate, he was a distraction. He was a temporary fixation that gave you relief from the big questions you couldn’t answer.
You know this because he faded as you found yourself.
The thing is that you’re not meant for the things you lose, and yet you have to lose them.
He wasn’t your soulmate, he was a lesson – and what you projected onto him tells you everything that you need to know.
The thing is that he wasn’t what you hoped he’d be, and yet you had to hope. He wasn’t what you imagined, and yet you had to let yourself dream. He wasn’t your future, and yet you had to wonder if he could be. The thing is that you’re not meant for the things you lose, and yet you have to lose them.
Your real soulmate won’t be the stitching that holds you together. They’ll be someone to walk the path with – your teachers will seem like the path themselves. They are here to show you something so fundamental about yourself and your life and your future, even if that lesson isn’t what it takes to keep someone forever. Their impact is permanent and irrevocable, even if you forget their names and faces and what you used to mean to each other. That was their purpose.
He wasn’t your soulmate, he was survival. You can’t be mad at yourself for that.
Sometimes we have to break our own illusions so we can understand what’s real when we find it. Eventually, you come out on the other end and realize that you’d go through it all again to get to where you are now.