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God and Man
I made this mistake before. You see, I focussed too much on what I gave, and not what I was taking in return. I put pressures on people that they did not deserve. I took things that did not belong to me from them. I tried to make them change for me, and too late, too late did I learn that you cannot put expectations like that on human beings. You can’t turn them into versions of themselves you do not remember. You can’t resent them for not appreciating the things you give them when you too are taking things from them in turn.
I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry I expected you to change whilst promising you I loved you as you were. I am sorry I did not value or understand the way you were loving me and assumed between us, I was the easier one to love. The truth is, we are all difficult in our own ways, but my lack of self awareness destroyed us more than your taking me for granted and I should have recognised and apologised for that ages ago.
So here is my apology. I hope you read this, wherever you are and know I am thinking of you and I do now know what I did wrong. I hope you know I regret the things I said to you where I should have been pointing the finger at myself. I am sorry I screamed and cried and told you how little you understood me and threw your soft, kind love back in your face.
There is nothing I can do to take back the damage I did when I was immature and didn’t recognise my own folly. But what I can say is this: I wish you well. I wish you a person who is self aware and recognises your love for the beauty that it is. I hope you end up with someone who doesn’t leave bruises on your heart the way I did. I hope you get someone who always apologises after they hurt you and doesn’t leave you in pain.
I hope you find the love you have always deserved. The kind of love I should have given you. The kind of love that doesn’t leave you feeling wretched and burned.