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I realized that my life will never be in perfect order and I will never be a morning person who wakes up and cooks breakfast for two but that won’t stop me from trying to be a morning person who cooks breakfast for two. That won’t stop me from trying to break a habit for someone I care about.
I realized that I’ll always keep changing my mind about things and people and myself. Some days, I will be my biggest fan, some days I will be my worst enemy and some days, I will struggle to understand myself but that won’t stop me from seeing the best in someone and being there for them even if I don’t always see the best in myself. It won’t stop me from being consistent and present with someone else because I know how to fight my own battles without dragging someone along. I know when it’s time for love and when it’s time for war.
I realized that I’ll never have the highest-paying job or the most beautiful home or the most supportive family. I know that I’ll never look good ‘on-paper’ but I’m not here for any of that. I’m here for a real connection and strong bond and I’m not interested in what kind of car someone drives and how much money they make or what their dad does for a living. I’m interested in their heart and the way they treat me. I’m interested in their personality, their character, the one that will do whatever it takes to make ends meet, the one that will raise the kids and start a family and build a home.
I realized that I may never heal my broken heart and I may never forget the wounds or how much they hurt but that won’t stop me from risking another heartbreak with someone who moves my heart. It won’t stop me from trying again, it won’t stop me from proceeding. Maybe I’ll be more cautious, maybe I’ll be a little slower but I’ll never be completely out. I’ll never give up.
Love will always be the one force that I can’t really control or stop and honestly, I don’t want to because a part of me still believes that my fairy tale is out there and it will come to me when it’s supposed to.
I realized that I will never be able to get over my childhood fears or insecurities. I will never be able to say that they don’t haunt me sometimes and make me feel like I’m not good enough. I will never be able to completely forgive my parents and I will never have a true example to follow when it comes to raising a family but I know that I will be for my kids everything my parents couldn’t be for me and I will build the most loving home for them and I will find someone who stays no matter how hard life gets.
You see, I’m not ready for love at all, but I’ll always take a chance when it knocks on my door. I’ll always say yes and deal with the mess later. I’ll always be weak when it comes to love. It will always win and I’ll happily lose to it every time.