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I used to think obviously, that I wouldn’t. That I wouldn’t find someone kinder, nicer, sweeter, more attentive than you. But of course, the world doesn’t revolve around you. You aren’t the best human being to ever exist.
You made mistakes too. Mistakes I overlooked. You said things. Things I ignored. You did things to me. Things I chose to ignore.
You used to be my world. You used to be my safe haven, my church, my saving grace.
But the thing is, is that with time, I’ve come to some realizations. Realizations that I had to find out on my own in my own time. You weren’t this perfect person. You weren’t perfection. And no-one is. But you made me think that you were.
You were almost too good to be true. I thought I didn’t deserve you. I always wondered why me? And then when you broke it off, there was nothing I could do but pick up the pieces by myself.
You were gone just like that.
Years have passed and I’ve seen glimpses of hope in other people’s eyes that don’t look like yours anymore. I don’t dream of you. I don’t lay awake at night wishing you were next to me.
And now, I know with my whole heart, I will find someone else.
I will find someone who will make me laugh harder. I will find someone who will make me smile wider. I will find someone who I won’t have to try to impress.
I will find someone who will appreciate my flaws. I will find someone who won’t give up on me. And I will find someone who won’t let me go.
And that person, who I used to think would be you, isn’t you. Not anymore. Not now.
And the funny thing about it is, I’m not sad about that fact anymore. I’m not bitter. My heart isn’t cold. I’m not disappointed. And I’m not angry.
You happened for a reason. You were my first love. But that’s why they call it a ‘first’. There’s a first for everything but there’s also something to be said about seconds and thirds.
I’m happy we met. I’m happy you loved me. I’m happy I loved you. But make no mistake, one day I’ll be walking down the aisle on grass covered in flower petals. And I won’t be headed anywhere towards you.