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I used to believe in second chances and the possibility to make people change to be the best version of themselves. I believed that everyone deserves to be better, to love themselves even more, and to be fixed. Maybe that’s why I’ve always been attracted to those who need to be fixed, including you.
It took me a while to accept the fact that choosing you to be loved wasn’t a mistake. Even until now, I’m still convincing myself that failing to fix you wasn’t my mistake at all and it wasn’t your mistake either.
Now I know that, most of the time, some people will stay the way they are and I shouldn’t have had the intention to fix you in the first place.
Instead of being heartbroken because of you, I’m more disappointed with myself. I’m mad at myself for failing to make you feel better about yourself. I’m mad because I couldn’t make you find a way as you’d still say that you’re lost.
I’m disappointed with the fact that my best effort that I gave towards you still make no difference as you stay the way you are, full of wounds and lost.
I thought that our relationship was going to work as I believed that I could fix you and all of your wounds, but I was wrong. It was getting harder for me to accept who you really are and I gave up on you. Maybe after all this time, I wasn’t loving you at all; I just loved the idea of fixing you.
Now, I realize that when you truly love someone, you will never want to fix them. Because love is not about fixing someone, it’s fixing ourselves.
True love won’t make us want to change the other person, it will make us want to fix ourselves instead. Love should make us realize our own wounds as we will try to fix ourselves and be better day by day, simply because we want to make the other person happy.
You and I didn’t love each other; I was just being obsessed with healing your wounds, while you were enjoying all of my attention without having the urge to change yourself at all.
The hardest thing is not about moving on from you, it is forgiving myself. I’m in the process to accept the fact that it wasn’t my fault that you felt lost and your happiness was not my responsibility at all.
This time, I’m the one who will leave you behind as I know that if I stay, I will always have an expectation towards you. I will always expect that you’ll change your mind and be the person whom I’ve always wanted you to be, and I know it is a wrong way to love a person.
You will always be my lesson learned about loving someone. You’ve made me realize that I should’ve read the signs earlier that you weren’t the one, but you will never be my regret either. You made me learn about how the right love should feel and I shouldn’t feel responsible for other people’s wounds.
You are a blessing in disguise because now I realize that an insecure person, who needs to be fixed, will never able to give love for others as they haven’t even love themselves enough.
I hope you will find a way to fix yourself soon; this is me leaving you behind and giving up on fixing you.