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I’m the type of person who believes in soulmates. But, I don’t think there’s only ‘one’ person out there for you. I think you can have multiple soulmates that you will meet in this world, including friendships as well as significant others.
Maybe five years from now I’ll come to the conclusion that he wasn’t one of my soulmates. Maybe I won’t even believe in them anymore. But, right now? I still think he was one. And it’s been three years since I’ve even seen him.
I never in a million years thought we would ever end. In the mindset of someone who was twenty-one, I thought we were rare. I thought we were the ones who would make it. Everyone doubted us, except him and I.
But then one day, in September, miles away from me, he told me it had to end. He told me the distance was too much to handle. He told me we had to be our own people without each other. He told me he wanted to explore. To his explore his options.
I told him he was breaking my heart. ‘I know’, he softly replied.
I thought he would change his mind eventually. I talked to his friends trying to convince them to talk to him. I became a walking ghost. I isolated myself. I didn’t want to go out or drink or party. I just wanted to do nothing, to feel nothing.
And then in August, I got a call. He was going to college in a different country. And that’s when I knew. It was over. It was done. We were nothing.
I can say with a hundred percent of my heart, that he was one of my soulmates. He was my person. My best friend. My everything. He was my first love, and I think a part of me will always love him. We were together for three and a half years. We were a dynamic duo. We just got each other. And we couldn’t get enough of one another.
When we ended, I lost a innocent part of me that believed in fairytales and happily ever after. I lost the six year old part of me that believed that true love could last forever. That true love could fix anything. That true love could make me whole.
I lost a piece of my heart to him. Maybe I’ll never get it back. But he taught me something. Something so crucial that helped shape me into the person I am today. He taught me to love myself. He taught me that there is life without love. That love doesn’t solve everything. That love won’t make me any happier.
He taught me how to fall and break and crumble. But he also taught me that I am stronger than I think. And eventually, I began to build myself back up. Without his hand to hold.
And for that, I am so thankful. I’m happy we ended. I’m happy I got to experience what it means to love someone with my whole heart. But most importantly, I’m happy that I showed myself that I can get over anything. That I can survive anything. Even the loss of a soulmate.