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The most connected couples – the couples who have long, healthy, thriving relationships – are not the ones who are romantic all of the time.
Romance is just a piece of the whole. Romance is not what sustains a relationship, compatibility does. Best friendship does. Attraction does. The same long-term vision does.
Deep connection is not something you stumble upon, it is something you build.
It is so painful when you feel “connected” to another person and yet the relationship somehow falls to shambles, and ultimately, doesn’t work out. But it’s usually because what you had wasn’t a real connection, it was attraction conflated for compatibility. It was the idea of that person that filled a void, soothed a craving, fit nicely into the mental space you had been constructing around your idea of “the one.” The relationship didn’t work because your connection was carnal desire, which is a very shallow thing.
The truly connected couples resonate with another on many levels.
You are comfortable with one another and could share an entire life together and not be afraid. You are best friends with one another because this is the person with whom you will share all of your dinners and vacations and wedding after parties and holidays. You are each other’s sounding boards, because you are forevermore business partners and in-house consultants.
Your relationship isn’t a guessing game. It’s never the “wrong time” to commit. There’s no deciding what your label is. There’s no doubting whether or not you want to spend every day together. Those are all symptoms of lust confused for connection.
And lust is cheap.
Lust is the easy way out. Lust is the way that naive people determine who they are “most connected with.”
They think that the person who makes their heart beat the fastest and their worlds temporarily tilt off-axis are the ones that they naturally have the most connection with. They confuse their body’s hormonal response to another person for being a deep, lifelong connection with them.
Your forever person is the one who inspires you to put your world back on its own axis. The person you are most connected with is the one who you want to grocery shop with and eat pizza at 1 a.m. with and just be with all of the time. The person you are most connected to does not make you the most hopelessly romantic version of yourself, they make you the best version of yourself overall. Their presence in your life transforms it into everything you hoped it would be – without you even realizing what was happening.
So no, the most connected couples aren’t the ones who are romantic with one another 24/7.
They are the ones who are best friends. They are the ones who are willing to sacrifice for one another, to support one another through the sometimes very unbeautiful motions of day-to-day life. They are the ones who are willing to see one another as a whole, the ones who accept their partner like their partner accepts them. The ones who are made better because there is love in their life, not made less.