Welcome to 29 Dates, where we explore the weird, wild and sometimes wonderful world of dating — one date at a time.
About six months ago, I went out with a man who started cruising a popular hook-up app for gay men…in the middle of our date.
He was hot in a 2D, poster-on-your-wall kind of way. Solid shoulders that look good in a suit, jawline… He gave off an authoritarian dad vibe, and I was into it.
As the night wore on, the cheap wine started to taste better and my date began to loosen up. It turned out that he was a Tory — and not the economically conservative but generally quite good kind. He was the sort of Tory that gets vox-popped on breakfast news shows, giving their opinion about how best to preserve British morals.
Now, I know you’re not meant to fraternize with the enemy but to be fair to him, he was interested in hearing my opinions and seemed sufficiently flexible in his views to make our conversation congenial. I also decided that we shouldn’t bang; he was too Tory for our relationship to really go anywhere and I’d long ago resolved to stop shagging the obviously unsuitable ones.
When the conversation moved from politics to pastimes, he told me how he likes to meet men on hook-up apps for blow jobs.
We drank more cheap wine and moved the conversation off politics and onto pastimes, which is when he started telling me about how he likes to meet men on hook-up apps for blow jobs. I shrugged. “That’s cool, so you’re bi?” I said. He frowned and said he absolutely was not bisexual, it was just “a joke, a bit of naughty fun — not something I’d tell my mates.”
“Anyway,” he continued, sloshing white wine over the table, “men give better blowies.” At this point (admittedly, I was half-cut) I asked if he wanted to come back to mine — there’s just something about a guy with flexible sexual boundaries that I find hot. At my flat, though, things quickly went south.
When I asked more about his secret habit, he said: “It’s so easy with men, look…” He started cruising and matching with nearby guys. At first it was kind of interesting, until I realized he seemed more into the app guys than me.
I had to draw the line when he said: “I bet I could get a guy to come here right now.” I said: “Please don’t.” He replied: “See, I imagine that you’d find it a massive turn-on to watch a guy suck me off but then, maybe not… Dating is such a learning curve.”
He asked for another date but I said we’d probably be better as friends. I still think about him sometimes and wonder whether he’s any closer to owning his sexuality, whatever that may be.
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