Not all heroes wear capes, you guys. Some of them are my mom (I love you, mom), and some of them are this girl named Lauren, who has one arm, a hilarious Tinder bio, and is legit the hero we never knew we needed.
You see, Lauren is a pretty amazing, obviously funny 20-year-old from San Diego. But a year ago, she got into a pretty bad moped accident, causing her to lose one of her arms.
“I was going pretty fast on a moped and lost control of it, and I hit the median in the road,” Lauren told BuzzFeed News. “I flew off and hit a sign and it sliced my arm off. I stayed conscious the whole time.” Luckily, though, Lauren survived, but adjusting to life since the accident has been a bit of a roller coaster for her, according to BuzzFeed.
Soon, though, Lauren began using social media to help with her healing process. “For a while, I wasn’t OK with the jokes,” Lauren explained. “But then I started telling the jokes, and it’s kind of helped.”
But the epitome of Lauren’s amazing sense of humor — and of course, why she’s a hero — came in the form of her hysterical Tinder bio.
In her bio, Lauren lists her job as an arms dealer. I can’t, you guys. This is too good.
The rest of her bio is quite literally the best thing I’ve ever read in my life — better than any drunk text I’ve ever written, better than my third grade diary entries, and better than the entirety of the Nancy Drew series. THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING. It reads,
hands down the best catch on tinder
“I got home pretty drunk, and I don’t remember typing it up really,” she explained about how she wrote it. “I just woke up to someone DM’ing me a Reddit post asking if it was me, and I was like damn, I guess it is.”
Lauren might only have 50 percent of her arms, but she has literally one 100 percent of both my heart and the heart of the internet.
I’m not even kidding. So many people on Twitter are like “LAUREN, PLS DATE ME RIGHT TF NOW!!!”
I know, I know. If you laughed at her bio, you probably feel a little bad. Trust me, I feel bad because I legit almost pissed myself laughing at this. But Lauren says not to feel bad. She told BuzzFeed, “People always respond like, ‘Oh, I feel bad for laughing. And I’m like, ‘No! I think it’s funny…I made it!’”
While the sh*ttiest things happen in the world every single day (LOL, Trump, amirite?), at least there people like Lauren out there to keep us laughing.
Arms: 1/2. Hero-ness: 1,000/10.
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