Unsplash / Scott BroomeI accepted our status as just friends. I understood you were not ready for a relationship. I never held that against you. I assumed you needed more time, that you were not in the right frame of mind to give a girlfriend everything she deserved.
I was perfectly fine with the fact we never ended up as an official couple — until you started dating her.
When you changed your relationship status, I realized everything I believed about you, about us, had turned out to be a lie. You obviously were ready for a relationship. You obviously were able to settle down and act consistent and be a good boyfriend when you wanted to be. You just didn’t want to do any of that with me.
It hurts to know you decided she was good enough for you, even though you turned me down when you knew how strongly I felt about you. It sucks to realize the reason we never dated didn’t have anything to do with your fear of commitment.
I am not a cocky person. I do not think highly of myself. I am insecure and an overthinker. But I am having trouble figuring out why you were willing to date her and refused to date me. I don’t understand why you walked away from me when you knew I was available. I don’t know why you weren’t interested in me.
You called me pretty. You complimented me a million different times. You liked my selfies. You obviously found me attractive.
More than that, you laughed at my jokes. You told me you missed me when we spent too long apart. Whenever we hung out, you mentioned how much fun you had around me. You seemed happy with me. You seemed like you always wanted to be around me.
Every time we were in the same room together, we flirted with each other. We found excuses to touch each other. We texted each other. We were more than two people with chemistry. We were friends. We got along well. We made sense together.
I don’t know what else you needed from me. I keep wondering whether there was something I could have done differently, whether I should have given you more space or whether I should have made more moves, but I made it clear how I felt about you. If you wanted to date me, all you had to do was ask.
I guess you never felt as strongly about me as you feel about her. Maybe you don’t find me attractive enough. Maybe you don’t find me funny enough. Maybe you don’t find me exciting enough. I really can’t tell and it’s driving me nuts.
I mean it when I say I care about you. I want what is best for you. I’m happy you are happy with her. But I still don’t understand why you chose her over me. I don’t understand what I did wrong. I don’t understand why we never became a couple when we both clearly liked each other.