Whenever I see couples where the man has cheated on his partner, the partner always seeks to understand WHY. Part of the healing process, if a couple is to try and remain together, is to gain this understanding so that we minimize the chances of it happening again and forever destroying the relationship.
Here are some of the main reasons men give for having been unfaithful:
They are not getting enough sex at home, or the sex at home is “boring”. These are men who typically say they have a much higher sex drive than their partner, and that they need the sexual attention. Some also wish to engage in sex acts that their partner is not interested in, and so they seek out this “excitement” elsewhere.
To retaliate against a partner who cheated on them. For some men, finding out that their partner cheated makes them feel that the only way to get past their anger is to even the score.
Because they can. Some men feel that if there is no chance of their partner finding out (by the way, there is always a chance), then what they don’t know won’t hurt them. They may also be faced with an easy opportunity to cheat, and they have a hard time passing it up.
It’s so darn exciting! Some men just want the “hunt” of new conquests while others feel they need variety. Long term monogamous relationships lose some of their passion over time, but this is the sacrifice we make when we choose monogamy.
It’s an ego boost. Knowing that other women (or men) desire you is a definite self esteem booster. This is common in middle aged men who still want to see if they “still got it”.
His partner no longer turns him on. Unfortunately, in long term relationships, some people let themselves go and stop truly caring about remaining attractive to their partner (however, sometimes it’s due to other factors we must consider, like illness). We often stop putting the effort into “sexiness”. A man may then seek out a partner that is more attractive or more fit.
He loves his partner, but is not “in love”. Being in the “in love” state does not last forever. This is what we feel at the beginning of relationships. New is always more exciting than old. Unfortunately, instead of leaving his partner, he seek out this excitement elsewhere. This puts him at risk for falling in love with someone else and merely prolongs the inevitable break up.
If you are cheating on your partner, it might mean that you are unhappy in your relationship or that there are bigger issues you need to address. If you want to keep your relationship with your significant other, then cheating is not the answer. Yes it might feel good, and you might see it as an escape from your reality, but it is never a long term solution.