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You’re Failing At Achieving A Perfect Life Because Deep Down You Know It’s Not What You Fucking Want

If you actually wanted your life to be perfect, it would be.

If you wanted to take the time in the morning to style yourself perfectly, only eat food that looks good enough to be on a blog, have a consistently filtered grid, wash your face and work out every night before you went to bed, you would. 

You’ve heard stories about 90-year-old women who move their beloved pianos out of burning homes by the sheer force of their adrenaline. Mothers who lift entire cars off of their small children trapped underneath after a crash.

You’ve heard stories of people who don’t let being deployed to war or nearly losing their lives to addiction or being on the brink of splitting because of familial religious differences ever actually get in the way of them being together.

You’ve heard stories of people who studied for decades to defy the odds of them staying in a lineage of poverty, or the people who risked everything in pursuit of building the business they’ve always dreamed of, or taking a shot at the relationship of their dreams, even if it never worked out.

When you really start to pay attention, you’ll see that people do pretty much whatever they believe will bring them more pleasure and help them avoid pain.

And when you begin to notice that people will do nearly anything for what they care most about, you begin to realize that whatever you’re not creating in your life doesn’t exist because you don’t want it to.

If you’re stuck between feeling like you’re totally falling behind but still aren’t doing what you would need to be to change anything, it’s not because you’re lazy or stupid or unmotivated.

The fact that you’re both stressing yourself out about looking better but not actually taking any action steps to make that desire a reality is not a coincidence.

You don’t want to look better. You want to feel better, and because you don’t know how to feel better, you’re putting an intense amount of pressure on yourself to do something, anything, just to move, just to shift, even a little.

What you have to realize is that you can bully yourself into looking perfect as much as you want. You can spend hours laboring over what the side of your body looks like in a mirror or what other people think when they scroll through your feeds, and none of it is going to bring you even a bit more happiness because it’s not what you really want.

If you wanted a more perfect life, you’d have one.

What you want is harder than a perfect life.

What you want is not as easy as creating the semblance of a perfect life.

Trying to be perfect is what you do when you don’t know how to begin to tackle what it is you’re really hungry for.

And what you’re probably denying yourself is simplicity. It’s healing. It’s routine. It’s easing into the joy of a good’s days work and making regular food and cleaning the kitchen afterwards.

What you want is to be content with who you are, as you are, and where you are, without being stressed that you’re supposed to be anywhere, or anyone, or anything else.

There’s no way to measure whether or not you’re loved enough, that’s something you have to decide. There’s no test that can grade you on how good of a grown up you’re becoming, that’s something you have go gauge. Because when there are no more parameters by which you can measure your growth, your mind will try to build them out of your deepest fears and insecurities.

The real work is not trying to make your life “perfect.”

The real work is battling the darkest demons that are trying to keep you away from yourself, from enjoying the life you already have, from being the person you already are, from the looking the way you naturally do.

The life that you want is the life that you have.

Your pain is only a product of denying yourself your presence within it. TC mark

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